Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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