Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
