Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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