Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I love having hate sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
