I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
