i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
