I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
