I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
