worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
