im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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