guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
