Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
