So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
