Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
