It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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