next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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