come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
