I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
