Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
