Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
