Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
