Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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