omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
