"it" just moved
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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