im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
