I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
