He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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