my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
