I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
