Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
