he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize