time to smoke my breakfast
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
