i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
