I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
