Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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