I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
