Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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