a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
