I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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