Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Naked. naked and bneed help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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