Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
