Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
