I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
