I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
