I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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