Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
