Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
