did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
