woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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