to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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