Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
