I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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